This is the moment I started re-posting old blogs that I deleted. It had been a year of rebuilding, and I was doing it with a heavy fog over my eyes. I was starting to push my own boundaries and find my voice in the world. I made some mistakes, and I am a glutton for my own embarrassment. But I’ve never really felt bad about expressing what I feel, except for when I know it could hurt feelings and is unnecessary to say. But this was pulled too close in to me, and I realized that there were things that were necessary for me to say, for just my own well-being.
| 9/24/2006 11:06:00 PM (MySpace) |
| I write long, boring blogs and then I end up deleting them. I always intend to write things down but am only motivated to do so when I have the intent on showing them to whoever chooses to read them. But then I realize that the wrong person may read them and get upset or I’d be embarassed. I’m at a point in my life now where I don’t think it’s wrong for me to share what I’m thinking. Sometimes I think that people may read my intentions the wrong way, but I’m starting to care less and less about that every day. My intentions are to be honest. I am a human being and I am flawed. I try to do the right thing every day, every moment, but I can’t always be right. I mentioned this to some friends the other day who were dealing with friend drama and what I said was this: “I think if you could take away the emotions, the feelings and people’s knee-jerk reactions and just get everyone involved and tell the honest-to-god-truth about your perception of the situation, then maybe things would actually start to get resolved.” I believe that it’s true for most all of the problems and disputes we have in the world. I don’t hate anyone in this world. I don’t think there are many reasons for people to hate me (but I wouldn’t know unless someone told me). I hope that no one holds a grudge against me for the things that I write about. My biggest fear is offending someone without knowing it and someone hating me and never telling me. But I’m not going to let that make me bite my tongue anymore. Over the next few… well, whenever I get time, I’m going to be posting old blogs that I’ve deleted. If I feel like adding comments then I will, in italics. I want to start writing more blogs as well because there are so many things that I’m going through and I feel it’s therapeutic for me to write about them. I probably won’t start writing new ones until I get all of the old ones posted but I already know the topic of my next blog and that is *drumroll* music. I listen to a lot of music from a lot of different genres. My job lets me listen to my .mp3 player all day long. I’ve posted a bunch of different playlists on this site too so I kinda want to talk about a lot of the different things I’ve posted and listened too and why. You know, nothing important to anyone but me, but I really want to share so I will hopefully do that soon. P.S. After proof-reading this I noticed how bad my puctuation and grammar are. I know this about my writing but sometimes words just pour out and I have to go back and edit what I wrote for, what seems like, hours. Not going to do that this time because it’s late and I think it’s still semi-readable. So, deal with it. |