| 12/18/2005 (MySpace) 10/12/2006 2:22 PM (MySpace) |
| I need to find a little bit of swagger. I know I have it in me somewhere. Someone recently told me that my self-deprecating humor is not all that attractive. Up until recently I thought I was only capable of two extremes, either dead-silent, shy and nervous or arrogant, obnoxious and a little bit of an asshole. I never really liked the latter side of me so I just fully assumed the role of the former. But I’m starting a new phase in my life and I want to evolve my entire persona. Believe it or not, but I actually can feel the change already. There are little things (and big things as well) that happen to me every day that are helping me build confidence. I’ve lost a little bit (30lbs.) of weight and I’m surrounding myself with good people who make me feel good about myself. I haven’t smoked in almost three weeks, I’m this close to shunning alchohol from my life and I’m getting real close to deciding to quit smoking pot. Forbidding marijuana from entering my system will be a huge next step, when I get there. I have no reason to like it but I do. My low self-esteem is compounded by ten when I am high. I can’t look people in the eyes. My sentences either rattle on or are composed of merely one word. And I just feel all-around uncomfortable. I may be closer to quitting than I realize. I’ve got a job, which helps tremendously as well. I’m not rolling in the dough, but starting to pay off some of my debts makes me feel like I’m being responsible. I’ve got a couple more months to endure before I’m out of the red, but that doesn’t seem to bother me at all. Hopefully by that time I’ll have a car, be in Karate and ready to get back into school. It’ll be a real busy schedule and I figure I’ll only have Friday’s and every other weekend free. I’m excited about the prospect of taking all that on. I know I can do it though, because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and doggone it, people like me. “Here’s to good times.” |